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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 12:00:28 GMT -5
Seeing Phoenix falling apart in front of her was harder than she had expected that it had been. The mere shock in his eyes was heartbreaking, nevermind the disbelief and grief that followed it. The letter had changed everything, or it felt that way anyway. The optimism that she had been feeling this morning had been replaced with sadness and a strange helpless feeling. Miles had been healthy the last time she had seen him, or he seemed that way, he had been the one to take the medicine back to Phoenix when he had his infection, surely there had to be some sort of a mistake? But...no. The letter was clear. Miles had died this winter.
Rory folded the letter carefully, turning for a moment to place it on her bedside table before turning back to Phoenix. She didn't know what to do, nothing she could do or say could possibly make him feel any better, she didn't even think that there was anything that she could do to ease the shock of it all. It seemed that all she could do was stand there and watch as he unravelled.
"Phoenix..." She murmured his name without any knowledge of what she was going to say next, moving to kneel down infront of him as he slid down the doorframe to the ground. "I know that it won't help...but I'm so sorry." It just sounded so meaningless, just words. Without thinking Rory moved to put her arms around Phoenix and hug him, resting her head on top of his lightly. "It's alright. You can have as long as you want to think. I'll be here, and if you want to be on your own for a while then I'll be here when you're ready to talk." Her tone was soft and sincere, Rory stroking his hair and rubbing his back in an attempt to soothe him, unsure of what else she could do.
Words were meaningless, they wouldn't help, or she doubted that they would. All that she could do was be there for him. She had not known the thief as well as Phoenix had, but even she felt the sting of grief at his passing. She felt as though she should do something, but had no idea what. She should arrange to have a letter, or something, sent back to Cressa for Phoenix, that was the very least that she could do.
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 13:17:38 GMT -5
He didn't hear her say his name... at least, if he did then it felt so detached from everything that he wasn't even sure if it was real or not. He flinched a little as she put her arms around him, not having expected to feel her touch, his head jerking up to look at her. Phoenix was looking a little dazed and lost right now. His eyes were glazed. He was still trying to comprehend all of this. Miles was dead. But had the letter really not stated why? Or how? He didn't understand, he couldn't understand. He'd practically grown up with the other thief... Miles had taught him almost everything he knew. But now he was gone, and it didn't make sense.
She'd be able to feel his heart hammering against his chest when she hugged him, the thief absently resting his head on her shoulder just because he didn't know what else to do. He was like a puppet, staring blankly at the wall. It was hard to think past this, to get it through his head. Phoenix was clearly in shock, but he blinked a couple of times and sighed shakily when she started to talk.
Rory was there... that meant that the last few minutes had actually happened. That... that wasn't good. The sound of her voice had brought him out of his daze, and he started to tremble. Then his arms were around her, the thief not even seeming to register or care about what was going on, that she was the Princess of Cressa, that he should really get somewhere to be by himself for a while so he could get his head around this and get a grip. But none of that seemed to matter, because Miles was dead.
He was dead. And Phoenix hadn't been there.
His head was buried in her shoulder and he was practically clinging to her, the thief too stunned to even cry right now. He just needed that contact, to know that someone else was around here, in this strange, different country, someone who knew that the world was missing a Grade A thief and the best friend Phoenix had ever known.
"I have to go home..." he whispered eventually, pressing his eyes closed. There was no doubt in his mind. He knew where he was going, whether it was freezing cold or scorching, whether the Knights were still looking for him or Lord Valentine was still out for his blood, or whatever. He was going back to Avalas. Although not this minute, of course. He really needed some time to get used to all of this, and really try to let it all sink in. "You don't have to go with me... you can stay here if that's what you wanna do..."
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 13:54:21 GMT -5
Well, at least he was reacting as he clung to her, it was better than when he had just sat there. It had sunk in. As painful as it was, it was better than him being in denial, he could try and decide what to do from here. She tilted her head to rest it on top of his, tightening her grip on him a little, just to let him know that she was there. Hugs were the only thing that she could think of that had a chance of helping him, of calming him down and letting him think in straight lines. She was still trying to get her head around this herself, so she couldn't even imagine what was going through his mind. Miles was his best friend, and he found out about his death through a letter. She...it didn't bear thinking about. She had no idea how he must feel.
Rory found herself nodding as he mentioned going home, before she had even had the chance to process what he had said. "Of course I'll go with you." She agreed instantly. She didn't care about her father, or Lord Valentine, or even the White Knights. If he wanted to go back to Cressa then that was what they would do. Phoenix needed to sort everything out in his head, and then they would go. She would get her hands on a map from somewhere, she had seen them down in Chris's study, she could borrow one from there. "I'm not letting you go all the way back there on your own. We've got this far, I'm not leaving you now. I'd go anywhere with you."
After this she fell quiet again, closing her eyes and running her fingers through his hair. "Don't worry, I'll sort everything out. Just tell me when you want to go and I'll have everything ready."
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 14:29:12 GMT -5
Phoenix had to hide his relief as she said she would go with him. Even after he had sorted all of this out in his mind, he couldn't tell what would happen if he had to make the journey back to Cressa alone. Probably something stupid. The loss he felt was huge and heavy, and it would probably hit him over and over again. Every time he saw something that reminded him of Miles; when people said or did things, or whatever. The worst part was that he wasn't in Cressa already - Layla would need him, undoubtedly, and he had to contact Kade and he would be DAMNED if anyone tried to go through Miles's things when he wasn't there. He doubted anyone would have. Layla would have seen to that.
"Thank you." he whispered, nodding ever so slightly and letting his eyes close - he didn't know what to say, or what to do, but he didn't want her to go. If she went then he would have no excuse for not facing the grief by himself. He was frightened to do that. "I don't wanna go back yet... don't make us move yet." he pleaded with her, not knowing why he was saying these things. He needed to pull himself together, but he couldn't even find the strength to get up. He was afraid that he'd fall down again.
They sat there for a few more minutes, Phoenix waiting to see if the shock was going to settle back in, if he was going to get any worse or if he would stay the same. He was trying to hold off on number two, he really was, but it was harder than he'd imagined. "Miles is... was... he was real careful. Always looked before he leaped." he murmured eventually, his voice low and quiet. "And he had these stupid superstitions... he'd never knock a door four times, for some reason..." he laughed, and it sounded forced. "And there was always this one rooftop, when we were kids, that he'd swear was unlucky, or haunted or somethin'... I made him sit on it once, and it fell through. To this day he'll never forgive me. I mean... before... he'd never... he..."
The thief drifted off, hiding his face in her shoulder and regretting opening his mouth. His shoulders shook every now and then, but he didn't move or say anything else. Miles was dead. What was the point in anything anymore?
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 14:49:31 GMT -5
"We don't have to move anywhere yet." She soothed, "Not until you're ready." It was true, she would sit there all night with him if that was what he wanted. Anything that would make him feel better, just a little better. Poor Phoenix, he should be home now, with his friends. Instead she had dragged him out of Avalas and into a foregin country, away from everyone he knew, and it was too far to get back in time when something bad happened. Rory resolved to get him back to Cressa as quickly as possible, no matter what. She may not have any money, but she would find a way. Walking would take too long, they needed some sort of transport. A carriage would be far too expensive, but she may be able to get her hands on a horse. Her thoughts returned to the present as he started to speak, smiling to him faintly as he spoke of his friend. "It's ok, Phoenix. It's to take in." Her voice was so quiet, not speaking any louder than was necessary, and, because he was so close, that meant that her voice wasn't much more than a whisper. "From the letter, I think that it was probably the cold. No matter how careful he was, he couldn't escape the cold." She reasoned before shaking her head a little. She didn't want to assume and be wrong. Paying to have a letter written would have been expensive, and the longer the letter was, the more expensive. Layla had probably put in all the information she could with the funds that she had. Then his head dropped back to her shoulder, his shoulders started shaking, and, for a moment, Rory panicked. He was breaking down and she couldn't do anything, there was nothing that she could do to take away his pain, and that alone terrified her. Phoenix was so good at looking after her, and when he needed her she was useless! She rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him, the princess placing a light kiss on the top of his head before resting her head on his. "Shhh, Phoenix, it's okay to be sad. It'll get easier to remember the good things as time goes on, I promise, but at first it'll just hurt. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do to help that. But I'm here, if you want to talk, or if you want a hug, or anything. I'll always be here."
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 15:26:01 GMT -5
The cold? The guilt Phoenix would feel if it had been the cold would be harder to handle than he could even begin to imagine. He had been curled up in some noble's house next to a fireplace, completely warm and content, while his best friend had been dying because he couldn't keep warm. Ugh, why had he thought about that, now he just felt worse. He wound his arms around her and settled back against the wall again, shifting to look across at the door, his face tear-stained and his eyes full of an acute pain that he couldn't express at present. "I think I wanna have some time by myself, now..." he muttered eventually in a quiet voice, briskly letting her go to wipe his eyes as though nothing had happened.
He wanted to scream and throw things and punch the wall and drink himself stupid, but he couldn't do any of those things in Chris's house, and he'd definitely never do those things in front of Rory. Apart from the drinking himself stupid. He probably wouldn't mind if she was there while he did that. He moved away from her, and very carefully rose to his feet. The thief looked unsteady and completely out of it again, dragging the frozen indifference back into place until he could find somewhere to sit and grieve for a while without worrying about someone looking in on him.
"I'll come and find you a little later, Rory... I just... I have to be on my own for a while." he ran his fingers through his hair, shuffling to the door and trailing one hand along the wall to make sure he stayed standing. "Thanks... for readin' the letter for me." he mumbled in a strained voice, before he was gone. The sound of his door clicking shut behind him was audible, before it fell eerily quiet. There wasn't any sound from inside his room, although you could very well imagine what was going on inside there. He just couldn't make it seem real. He was making something of nothing, surely. Miles wasn't dead. That was ridiculous.
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 15:44:22 GMT -5
Rory took his grip on her tightening as a sign that they were going to be sat there for a considerable length of time, the princess shifting a little so that her legs wouldn't go dead from being sat on them wrong. Her surprise was obvious as he said that he needed some time alone, but she nodded to him, sitting back and letting go of him, albeit reluctantly. She wasn't sure that she wanted to leave him on his own, but what could she do? Maybe it would help him get his head around all of this. "Alright." She nodded, smiling to him weakly. "You know where I am. Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything."
With that, she too rose to her feet, lingering by the door to watch Phoenix go. He looked so fragile, he barely looked as though he could hold his own weight up, but she knew that feeling. Perhaps time alone would give him a chance to work out how he felt, but there was a worry in the back of her mind that he would dwell on 'what if's', and that would drive him mad. He couldn't blame himself for this, it wasn't his fault, but she wasn't sure how to say that to him without upsetting him. She would just have to wait and see, she would have to leave him until he came out of his room and see how he was feeling then. Like she had said, she would be there for him no matter what, she just wasn't sure how much use she would be.
Rory didn't move from her room, worried that Phoenix would emerge as soon as she left, that he would come looking for her and she wouldn't be there. She had left her door open just enough so that she could see his, moving to wrap herself up in a blanket and curl up on the windowsill. Her inspiration had gone, all the colour and life seemed to have drained out of the world, leaving it dull and dreary. Painting didn't seem appropriate now. Instead she sat and watched the world go by, marvelling at how things went on unchanged. It had been the same when she thought that Phoenix had died. She couldn't understand how people could still look so happy, how they could go about their daily business and how the world could keep going when something awful happened.
It was late afternoon when she started to get worried about him, her gaze moving away from the window and to his bedroom door. He should eat something. She knew that he wouldn't want to, but he would need his strength if they were going to get back to Cressa. She had gone down to the kitchen to get him something, back at his foor ten minutes later, a bowl of warm soup and fresh bread sat on the tray that she was holding. "Phoenix...it's me." She called lightly as she knocked, feeling as though she were intruding. "I brought you some soup."
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 16:30:49 GMT -5
Phoenix had spent his day rather productively, if he did say so himself. He would never mention anything that he'd done in that room to anyone if he could help it. Not the way he'd barely been able to close the door before he'd broken down all over again, nor the muffled screams in his pillows or the things that had been thrown (luckily they all belonged to him anyway, so he didn't have to worry about explaining that little mess), and he wasn't doing too well right now either. He'd spent a lot of the afternoon lying on his bed in his now considerably mismatched room. He'd tried to sleep, which explained his current lack of shirt and the fact that he'd let his hair down out of its plait, but he hadn't been successful in the slightest. In fact, he doubted that he'd ever be able to sleep again. He could take the nightmares from the Knights, but he couldn't take the nightmares that were going to prey on his mind the next time he closed his eyes.
He glanced up where he was sprawled on the bed staring at the wall, seeming surprised at her knock. Had he been there long? It didn't feel like long. Absently, he shuffled to his feet and went to the door, unlocking it to look out at her, although his gaze was actually somewhere on the floor. His eyes were red and he looked positively miserable, despite the smile he tried to give her. It failed completely. "Hey, Rory..." his voice was rough and his throat was dry, but he looked nauseous at the sight of the food. Oh, he couldn't handle that right now. "Thanks, but... I don't think I can eat anything at the moment. Sorry..." he apologised, hesitantly lifting his gaze from the floor to her face.
He wasn't even together enough to be able to feel bad about being so negative, which couldn't have been easy for Rory to cope with. At the moment he could only focus on the fact that he was never going to see Miles again. And he couldn't even remember the last real thing he'd said to him. That was awful. No, NO. He wasn't going there again, not while Rory was around. He couldn't break like that in front of anyone. Ever. "Here... come on in... oh. Sorry about the mess." he shuffled to the side to let her in. He wished he'd cleaned up a little now... his room was almost a reflection of what he was feeling on the inside. Dark. And messy. And broken.
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 16:45:26 GMT -5
The lack of surprise in her eyes as he opened the door told that she had been expecting to find him in a state like this, if not worse. In fact, she was probably more surprised that he had actually opened the door for her than she was to see how red his eyes were. It was the fact that he wouldn't look at her that hurt, that haunted look in his eyes, the lack of any real feeling in his attempted smile. She shouldn't expect any less, he had just lost his best friend, expecting him to be anything other than distraught was too much, but it still hurt her to see him so down. There was nothing that she could do or say to make this seem any better, and she was painfully aware of that. Death was final, no matter how hard she tried, there was nothing that she could do to reverse that.
Her smile came more easily than his did, but it was still twinged with sorrow and concern. "I had a feeling that you wouldn't be." She admitted, glancing down at the tray. Had it been insensitive to even ask that he eat something right now? "I just thought, if we're going to be travelling, you'll need to keep your strength up." She told him, as though to explain herself so that he didn't think her to be heartless. "Will you at least have a drink? Your throat sounds sore." She observed, smiling hopefully as she motioned to the cup of hot coffee on the edge of the tray, stood next to a glass of water incase he wanted a cold drink. Rory was trying her best to look after him, she just didn't know what the best thing was to do, leave him to come around on his own or try and nudge him in the right direction?
"Mess doesn't matter." She assured him, moving past him into the dark room. She placed the tray down ontop of the chest of draws before glancing around, her worry well hidden. It would be better not to comment, she doubted that he would want to go into what had happened while he had been on his own. This, however, left her at a loss of what to say, the Princess rubbing at the back of her head as she looked over at him again. "You couldn't sleep?" She asked, guessing that he must have been trying from his lack of shirt. "Want me to lay with you for a while or...something?"
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 17:03:41 GMT -5
He rubbed at the back of his neck as she walked inside, clicking the door shut once more as though he really didn't want to see the outside world, or risk seeing anyone other than Rory right now. That might make him do something foolish. He nodded faintly at the idea of having a drink. That sounded much better, in his eyes, and he shuffled to the chest of drawers after her, tactfully ignoring the broken trinket that sat next to it. Phoenix was a collector by nature, Rory had already seen evidence of that, but not even his little treasures had been safe from his grief. He lifted the cup of coffee from the tray, taking a reluctant sip of it and sighing, closing his eyes. That felt better, even he had to admit that. And the drink was warm in his hands.
"Thanks for... tryin', and stuff." he mumbled while his attention was completely on his coffee, so he didn't have to think much about the words. "I know... it's hard. But I just wanna let you know that I appreciate it... even if it doesn't seem like it. It's just... I'm..." he shook his head helplessly, taking another sip of his coffee so he didn't have to finish that sentence. Soon enough the drink was gone, and he set it on the tray once more, glancing fleetingly around his bedroom. He shook his head to her, confirming what she had thought about his insomnia. He considered her offer for a moment or two, rubbing at his eyes. "Yeah." he mumbled, nodding and drifting off to clamber onto his bed again. The covers were strewn everywhere. He didn't bother with them.
The thief closed his eyes almost instantly after he'd laid down and curled up, a little afraid to open them. She was trying so hard, but nothing would work. The best thing she could do for him right now was just be there, he could assure her that it was better than anything else she could think of.
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 17:21:23 GMT -5
Rory had moved to sit on the edge of his bed as he went to get the cup of coffee, her gaze wandering around his room, drifting over what was left of the things he had collected. She had never seen him like this before, never seen him wreck his room, not even when he had been under the thumb of the White Knights. This was bad, hopefully this stage would pass over quickly. Her gaze returned to him as he started talking, smiling and nodding in understanding. "It's alright, Phoenix. I know. You don't need to thank me." It was what friends did, right? That wasn't said out loud though, out of fear that she would remind him of Miles. His friend wouldn't be far from any of his thoughts for the next few days, and, when time did start to pass without him thinking of him, he would feel guilty. She knew, she's been through this. Except, Phoenix had turned out to be alive, she doubted that Layla would send that letter if she weren't sure.
Rory reached up to untie the ribbon that held her hair up, retying it around her wrist before kicking her shoes off. She knelt next to Phoenix for a moment, staightening the sheets out around him before grabbing his blankets, pulling them over the pair of them as she laid down next to him. Right now didn't seem to be a good time for talking, so the Princess didn't say anything. Instead she shuffled closer to him and put her arms around him again, that being the only comfort that she could offer right now. She would keep trying, even if nothing she did made him feel better, she wouldn't leave him to suffer through this grief alone.
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 17:41:12 GMT -5
He didn't resist as she put her arms around him, Phoenix shuffling closer to her and burying his head in her shoulder. He sighed deeply and curled up under the blankets, seeming content at the moment just to lie there with her. She was right, Miles would never stray far from his thoughts, and right now he completely consumed them. He was vaguely aware that his dead friend would probably give him the thrashing of his life for letting himself get into this state, but the joy of that was... well... Miles wasn't there to stop him anymore. It was ironic, and it was sad, and Phoenix didn't particularly care. Rory being there was actually calming him somewhat, persuading him to think about other things, apart from the loss of Miles.
Well... granted that he thought about not thinking about him instead of dwelling on the obvious... but that didn't occur to him at the time. The thief eventually drifted into some kind of a slumber while they were lying there, but it was restless and he inhaled sharply as he woke again just half an hour later. Oh. That was so lucky. He'd almost dreamt of him, saw his face, and that was guaranteed to send him back into a fit of near hysteria. He'd never see his face again anyway...
That did it, and Phoenix was curled up very quietly and still in her arms, praying that she didn't notice his silent tears and feeling pretty disgusted with himself. He closed his eyes again to stop himself, but then he did see his face. "We're going tomorrow, right...?" he asked softly, to make his mind think of something else.
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 18:02:38 GMT -5
Rory didn't sleep, she curled up close to Phoenix and closed her eyes, but she didn't sleep. She wanted to be awake and alert for if he had a nightmare, but she didn't want him thinking that she was staying up to watch over him. So, she pretended to sleep, occupying her mind with what preparations she would need to make for tomorrow. She would need to speak to Chris sometime soon too. It would be rude to just disappear without a word of explination, she couldn't leave him worrying like that again. She also needed to ask for a map and plan their route, and find some horses, and pack for herself and Phoenix. She doubted that she would get much sleep tonight, but she didn't mind; she would do anything to help Phoenix.
She jumped a little at his sudden intake of breath, her grip on him tightening ever so slightly, as though to remind him that she was there. She did shuffle to glance down at him, but his face was hidden against her shoulder, so she took to running her fingers through his hair instead and closing her eyes again. If he wanted to tell her about it then he'd say something, otherwise, she didn't mind just laying there with him until this passed. "Yeah, we're going tomorrow. I'm going to talk to Chris and get everything sorted tonight. You've got nothing to worry about." She assured him, sounding confident. If she could break into the Claustrum then she could get them back to Cressa.
Speak of the devil. She could hear light footsteps out on the corridor, whoever it was pausing, probably noting her open door, before turning to Phoenix room and knocking on the door quitely. It was Chris, the storyteller always seemed so unsure when he came looking for her in Phoenix's room, as though he was worried about interupting something.
"I can ignore him if you want..." She murmured to Phoenix, looking down at him again now. "But, I'll need to tell him that we're leaving. Maybe now's the best time."
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Post by Vyncent Schwarz on Jan 11, 2010 18:21:59 GMT -5
Phoenix had just managed to compose himself (as best he could) when the soft tap at the door became obvious. The thief looked up and sighed a little, knowing already who it was going to be. "Nothin' to worry about. Yeah... that's good." he agreed with her quietly, releasing her and shuffling to sit up, wiping his cheeks and heaving a deep sigh. As it was Chris, you could almost see Phoenix setting his little illusion of normality in place, before he slipped from the bed. "No, it's alright..." he mumbled, "Like you said, you gotta ask him about some stuff. I'll answer, but he'll prob'ly wanna talk to you." he rose to his feet and trailed over to the door, making sure to take his time doing it. He needed a few more seconds to convince himself that he was alright, that he could hold a conversation, even one with Chris.
His pride was too strong to let even something like this show itself in the face of a noble, but Chris would undoubtedly notice that something wasn't right. It wasn't hard to spot, and Phoenix's attempt to look alright was fragile and it wouldn't take much to break through it. He reached out to crack open the door a little, checking it really was Chris before opening it fully. They would look like quite the contrasting pair; Phoenix was dishevelled and his hair tumbled down around his face, ruffled up at the back. "Hey. Yeah?" he asked, his voice still quiet and subdued, but he looked a little more like himself at least, even if it was all an act. "What's up?" he stood to the side instantly, knowing he wanted to talk to Rory.
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Post by Angel ♥ on Jan 11, 2010 18:34:38 GMT -5
"I can deal with Chris..." Rory murmured as she sat up, but, by this time, he was already half way to the door. Phoenix and Chris didn't get along at the best of times, she doubted that them meeting right now wouldn't be a good idea, nevermind them talking. It was, however, too late.
She just about had time to straighten out her hair and rise to her feet when Phoenix opened the door, as expected, Chris waiting outside, a stack of papers in one hand. He had been coming to show Rory the first draft for a new story, but that went out of the window as he laid eyes on the theif.. The storyteller couldn't even hide his shock as he looked at Phoenix. What a state he was in! What on earth had he been doing? Drinking he supposed, why else would he be looking so utterly unpresentable? No shirt, his hair a mess, and his eyes were red. He made no attempt to mask his disapproval, though that was only the beginning of it. The disapproval turned to horror as his gaze moved into the room, lingering on the broken pieces which were scattered over the floor before coming to rest on Rory. He put two and two together and came out with five.
"What on earth happened?" He demanded, scowling as his gaze flitteded back to Phoenix. "Have you been drinking?" Not that it was really any of his business, but if Phoenix has flown into a drunken rage, and around Rory too, then something had to be done. He couldn't leave the Princess around someone who was such an obvious liability.
Rory winced at Chris's words, shaking her head as she stepped forward, quickly moving to place herself between Phoenix and Chris. "No, Chris, you've got this all wrong, Can we talk?" She asked hurriedly. She didn't want this to turn into an arguement, Phoenix's state was already fragile enough, it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge.
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