Lost, Hungry, Penniless, & Sober: Life Sucks.

[Chani {♥}]

Garrick hadn't ate in two days, not one thing. (Well, aside from the chunk of bark that he had chewed on briefly about a mile ago before realizing it wasn't a slab of pork. A common misunderstanding, right?) He was overjoyed to have seen a farm and had picked up the pace considerably. His old legs, tired from all the walking he'd done today, were miraculously still working and they were even given a brief jolt of refreshing energy when Garrick came to a sign that had been poorly carved to say: "Fresh onions, beets, tomatoes, carrots, and potatoes!"

"Carrots!" Garrick exclaimed. "Oh, what I wouldn't do for a mountain of carrots right now. I'd fight a blue mongoose for just one!" And so he had wandered up to the farmer's front door and pounded on it with a persistent vigor until a gruff-looking man with a long beard opened it.

"Whatta ya want? I'm having lunch!" he growled.

"Carrots!" Garrick answered. "Great myriads of carrots." The man eyed him strangely.

"You don' look like ya have anythin' ta gi' me in return fer my harvests," the farmer finally said suspiciously.

"I shall give you my unicorn," Garrick said. "If only for a few carrots and glass of ale, kind Gnome." This man wasn't a Gnome; in fact, he was a few inches taller than Garrick.

"Wha'?" the man responded, confused and looking past Garrick, as if for a horned horse. "You've no unicorn, you fool!"

"And who told you I had a unicorn?" Garrick asked indignantly, not liking being called a fool for not having something that he had no memory of saying he did. "Are you the pig farmer?"

"I don' have no pigs!" the man snarled, looking quite flustered with Garrick's words.

"I said I wanted carrots, not pigs," Garrick said, looking slightly baffled himself. "Are you hard of hearing?" he inquired loudly.

"Go away, stay away from my farm, you batty old man!" the farmer bellowed, causing Garrick's eyes to go wide in fear.

[Vyncent Schwarz]

Devin had been wandering a few hours now since the sun had peaked over the horizon, and it was safe to say he wasn't really in the best of spirits. Raziel had done god knows what last night, and he'd woken up in a large field surrounded by what he thought (and hoped) were chicken feathers. It was safer not to ask what his counter-self had decided to do when he realised there wasn't a city in sight for him to have fun with, and Devin wasn't going to stick around to find out. Ugh, one day he was just going to kill that useless, violent, son-of-a--

What was that?

The ex-knight cocked his head to the left with raised eyebrows, the faint sounds of a distant argument reaching him, and he paused in his tracks when the distinct word 'unicorn' was thrown in there somewhere. And the replying voice didn't seem too friendly either, so he paused to glance up at the sign he had before completely missed, too lost in his thoughts to even realise he was in the midst of a farm. Glancing behind him should any other people be travelling on this way and want to investigate, he rubbed the back of his head as though making a difficult decision, before finally wandering in past the sign towards the cause of the ruckus which sounded like it was getting nasty.

...And that farmer didn't really look like he was having a good day either. Devin sighed as he spotted the old man, rolling his eyes - there was no need for the farmer to get so annoyed, the poor lunatic was probably harmless; lunatic used very loosely here, since Devin couldn't day much himself. Hoping against hope this wasn't the same farmer whose chickens were now missing a few feathers or worse thanks to Raziel, he strode up behind Garrick to face the farmer, a kind smile on his face.

"Is there a problem here? I couldn't help but notice how... erm, loud your conversation seems to be."

[Chani {♥}]

"This pig-farmer won't give a penniless old man some ale!" Garrick said, pointing an angry finger at the farmer.

"Carrots," the man corrected, though he was less infuriated now. He just knew that Devin would take his side.

"That's what I said," Garrick said, staring at the farmer as if he were an idiot. He threw a thumb at the farmer and said in a low voice: "He's hard of hearing."

"No I'm not!" objected the farmer.

"You can hear again? It's a miracle!" Garrick exclaimed, his eyes wide and carrots forgotten in his sincere belief that a miracle had just taken place. Well, almost forgotten... "We should have some carrots and ale in celebration!" Obviously convinced that the farmer would agree to this, he tried stepping in past the man into his house, but the farmer wasn't as compliant as Garrick had expected. He placed a hand on the old man's shoulder and tossed him backward, where he fell on his back. Garrick groaned, his bad back feeling split by an acute pain. The farmer rolled his eyes, assuming that this ancient exhibit of lunacy was faking it, though he wasn't.

"He's insane," the farmer muttered to Devin, putting his hands on his hips. "And, if you don' mind, I'd like ta get back to my lunch and actually eat somethin' before I have ta get back ta work." He put his hand on the door, ready to slam it.

[Vyncent Schwarz]

Devin smiled lightly and nodded at the farmer, trying to conceal the fury in his gaze as he shoved Garrick... now he was actually starting to hope that this was the same farmer who would sooner or later find a bunch of featherless and decapitated chickens thanks to Raziel, and it wasn't often he gave Raziel credit for anything.

"Of course, of course..." he told the farmer pleasantly, while leaning down to help Garrick up from the floor, "I'm sure you're very busy and everything." he murmured as he set the old man back on his feet, light sympathy in his voice.

He reached around then to remove the small pouch containing his gold from his belt, jingling it merrily up at the farmer. He didn't have much, but always made a point of having enough to get by without having enough for Raziel to use for his own amusement. It would be plenty for some food and drink for the old man though, he knew that much.

"But if this is how you treat paying customers, I might have to steer people away from this place if I see them. I wouldn't want them to be given the same treatment as I've seen here today." he shrugged, glancing over his shoulder as if to make a point of trying to scout for other people wandering along the path. "Then again, I suppose this could all be forgotten for... oh, let's say a pint of ale." he pushed his hair out of his face, his eyes gleaming. "...And carrots was it?" he glanced at Garrick to make sure. The man was clearly disturbed, but he knew what he wanted at least.

[Chani {♥}]

The pain and show of violence had shaken Garrick slightly, and so his memory of the last few moments had been lost as he was helped to his feet by Devin. He looked absently at Devin as he said the magic words.

"Well, I was about to ask where I was, but did you mention carrots and ale, kind sir?" he inquired. "Carrots are vegetables of the gods! And ale is perhaps the drink of gods."

The farmer looked soberly at Devin, as if he was actually considering refusing his offer of gold and risking his business for the sake of getting Garrick away from him faster. He finally released a sigh of defeat.

"Have it your way," he muttered, seizing the coins and stepping out of the doorway. "C'mon, get in here before anyone sees."

"You look familiar," Garrick observed, eyeing the man for a moment before going inside. He trusted Devin, though he didn't remember ever meeting him before. The farmer turned to find that Garrick had vanished.

"Where could that insane old man could have gone to?"

"OOOH! Beff you, gozz!" Garrick's voice combusted with happiness, muffled by something. The farmer followed the voice, stepping out of the hall and into a sitting room, which he crossed to an open door. Garrick had found the pantry, ripped open a cloth sack and was feeding his face with three carrots simultaneously. The farmer stared at him for a moment sternly, but Garrick was undeterred from his mission to stuff his cheeks full of carrots, chew very briefly, and swallow as much of the half-chewed bits as possible. "Look what I've found in your house, Derek!"

"I'll get that pint of ale now," the farmer grumbled, walking off.

[Vyncent Schwarz]

"Thank you, your hospitality is greatly appreciated." Devin nodded as the farmer stepped past to let them through, following Garrick and not bothering to keep an eye on him. He was already surprised that he'd gotten this far, usually Raziel would have broken through by now, especially since the ex-knight was in a rather bad mood anyway. His counter self must have worn himself out the previous night, that was his only explanation really. Not that he minded, he liked to keep control for more than a few hours at a time.

He seemed puzzled when he heard the garbled shout of unmistakable joy, turning around to find Garrick... and the carrots, of course. He only smiled faintly at the farmer as he left for the pint of ale, moving to hover next to the old man with his hands clasped lightly behind his back. They probably shouldn't stay here for long or he got the idea that the farmer would be having THEM for his lunch. Devin was beginning to regret intruding on the man's privacy like this, he was too damn nice for his own good sometimes.

But then again, the farmer probably would have taken to beating Garrick if he hadn't shown up, so this was better than any other outcome, wasn't it? "Food of the gods, indeed." he smiled, leaning back against the wall.

[Chani {♥}]

"Amazing, aren't they, Derek?" Garrick pointed at Devin. "I must have told you a..." he took a bite of a carrot here, "meeyun tives over." He chewed, swallowed. "But no, no. You were always too persistent for your own good. Now, aren't you glad that you did? Well, obviously... you have several bags full of carrots in here!" He stuffed more carrot into his mouth, refilling his hands with them. Derek had been a friend of Garrick's. Their rhyming names often caused confusion, since they had both been knights at the time. "Yum!" Garrick finally said as the farmer showed back up in the doorway. Garrick patted his stomach, obviously full. "Oh, have you made a new friend, Derek? And who might you be?" The man simply frowned at him and shoved the glass of ale into his hands. "Well, I like him," Garrick decided, looking at Derek and nodding at the farmer before guzzling the ale with a rather professional speed.

"Here's two more flasks, and take some carrots, too, if ya want," the farmer muttered, giving Devin two canteens of liquor. "I admire your integrity, but just look at 'im." Garrick had the mug against his face, his tongue was sticking out of his mouth as if trying to catch any remaining drops of alcohol that might have stubbornly escaped his chugging. "There's no use for people like that in our world. He'd be best off left alone somewhere to starve. He ain't honestly livin' in that state, anyway." Despite being full, Garrick had earned an instinct in his days of bankruptcy, and that was eat all you can when food's available. He chewed another carrot, this time savoring the flavor he loved so much.

[Vyncent Schwarz]

"Yes, he's a good man." Devin nodded lightly at Garrick's comment about the farmer; that at least might make him feel better about being guilty for intruding on his hospitality. It was strange, the things that made him feel guilty.

He didn't even make a comment on being called Derek. You could hardly expect much from a man of Garrick's sanity, and hell, it was a 'D' name. Seeing as he hadn't even exchanged formalities with the old loon, that was pretty damn close. "And they aren't my carrots, so you should probably thank him instead before we leave." he smiled hopefully at the farmer.

He could only nod lightly as he accepted the canteens of ale, sighing and glancing at the ground for a moment. "He may not be sane by normal standards, but he isn't hurting anyone and he seems happy enough in that state. I mean, you don't see him grieving and depressed, do you? I say if he's happy then he's probably living a lot better than the rest of us." Devin admitted with a light shrug; it was odd for him to come out with things like that, but every so often it would just slip out without warning, those strange little bits of philosophy. "Anyway, thanks for your kindness. Good day, sir." he clapped the farmer on the shoulder and motioned to Garrick.

"Time to go, old man." he grinned a little, unable to help it - Garrick certainly was high-spirited, even if he was insane.

[Chani {♥}]

"Thank you, sir!" Garrick obediently burst toward the farmer, grinning broadly. "You know, Leonard, I never did like your wife, but she cooks a good tomato soup."

"Yer welcome," the farmer responded shortly. "Best of luck." He walked off and out the front door, possibly to discover some maimed chickens.

"Leave?" inquired Garrick. He stood up and began stuffing his pockets with carrots. "Oh, fine. But I'm not paying for broken barstool! I told that man I didn't want any trouble..." He walked out to stand next to Derek. "This is certainly and odd-looking tavern," he examined as he walked to the door. It was amazing how he could remember where he had come in, but that it didn't register that this was not a tavern with a broken barstool.

[Vyncent Schwarz]

"That's alright, I'm sure they won't mind a broken barstool much." Devin smiled and clapped the old man on the shoulder, leading them rather promptly from the farmer's house; he was increasingly convinced that this was the same farm he'd woken up in. He couldn't have been travelling for more than an hour yet, and half that time was taken up trying to get out of that bloody field.

"Maybe we can get you to a city... somewhere less remote, you'll be less likely to get hungry and wander off then." this was more to himself than to Garrick, really; Devin had a tendancy to voice his thoughts out loud, and he'd been doing it more often since he'd been on his own. "Mm... sounds like a pretty good idea." he sighed. He didn't really want to go to a city; all the people and the bustle, all the chances for something to just... go terribly, horribly wrong. It was almost a guarantee when you were Devin, that something would happen to make his day just get worse.

[Chani {♥}]

"Bah, the city," grumbled Garrick as he followed Devin. "I hope you are not still angry with me for gambling your favorite pair of shoes, Marlin. I was so sure I'd win. You know, to this day, I think that game was rigged. That man had more scars that Lucas Baker and just simply reeked of 'shady character'. But you're a good man for covering, even though I lost those shiny shoes of yours. I would have been stripped of my knighthood before you could say... Oh! Now that is a beautiful specimen of the Sky Sweeper." He stopped to examine a light blue butterfly sitting on a daffodil for a moment, before carrying on. "Did you ever try Karen's blueberry cake? Goodness gracious. She's not the most beautiful woman in the world, I know, with that horrible wart on her forehead and that lazy eye, but her blueberry cake is divine. Would you quit interrupting me?" He, of course, was not directing this question at Devin, but at a chattering voice in his head. How annoying. His eyes even rolled up as he walked alongside his newfound friend, as if he could glare into the back of his skull and scare the voice back into the depths of his twisted brain.

[Vyncent Schwarz]

Devin looked slowly back at Garrick as he began to argue with the inner voices in his head, seeming rather preturbed by the man's actions. Oh God, is this how he was going to end up? Garrick and been a knight like himself, and now he had conversations with himself much like Devin did. Granted the voices in HIS head probably didn't take over his body and do disturbing things to poultry while he wasn't looking, but it was still almost as though the ex-knight was looking into the future.

"No, I'm not angry with you." he murmured in reply to his random monologues, still taking the attitude that it would really take too much time and effort to expalin to Garrick who he was and where they were, when he was pretty certain that within seconds the old man would have forgotten again. Besides, his memories, as Devin was convinced they were, were quite interesting. "Who's interrupting you this time? Does he have a name? Tell him to bugger off, because we're not interested at the moment." Perhaps the oddest comment Devin had made thus far, but unlike most he really didn't doubt for a moment that there was a voice interrupting Garrick all the time.

[Chani {♥}]

"Richard says to bugger off!" Garrick said rather cheerfully. No one else had ever taken the time to tell off his voices before. It seemed to have worked, for he carried on. "It's still perplexing to me, Richard, why you were the last one out of your brothers to get married. And to Ilga Rosencrantz, of all people! You know, her father was imprisoned for trying to mug an elderly lady. That's the beauty of it all, the 'trying' part, I mean. That old woman had some moves, didn't she?" Garrick chuckled.

"I think that she might have knocked a paranoia of wicker baskets into that poor man," he commented. "The rumors that circled town should have been punishment enough, I say." He scratched his head for a moment. "And would you believe that she used to be my neighbor? Brought me all sorts of little treats all the time when I was younger. I think she poisoned the apples once, though, because I refused to help trim the rosebushes over there. Was busy with my studies, honestly, and the fever those things gave me would have made the hottest inferno of hell envious. Thought I was going to die."

[Vyncent Schwarz]

Devin couldn't resist a chuckle at the image that floated into his head of an old lady using vigorous self-defence on a man twice her size, with nothing but a wicker basket to aid her. The old man certainly had some stories, didn't he? He tended to simply ignore the things which had anything to do with him marrying someone else, or having yet another name... hm, perhaps travelling with a companion such as this would be good, at least for a while. Because he couldn't just leave him there, could he?

"What do you call yourself, old man?" he asked as they walked, looking up at the sky rather absently and smiling a little. Even talking to him seemed to let him forget that he was probably just as insane as the man standing next to him... it just didn't seem to have caught up with him yet. Oh, well, he supposed, if you have to start accepting that you're going to slowly lose your sanity and grow an affinity for carrots and alcohol, you may as well accept it while in the company of someone who's been there and done it all before, right?

[Chani {♥}]

"Garrick," the man said, not finding it odd at all that someone he believed to be his close friend Richard had asked his name. He tilted his head back and stared at the sky for a bit as he walked. "Looks a bit purpler than normal," he commented, though there wasn't a speck of purple in the sky. "That normally means that there's a peddler selling fresh cucumbers. Do you know who told me th---agh!" He had walked into a tree. Of course, he hadn't been walking fast enough to be knocked on his rump, but it had scuffed his nose a bit. He stood there for a moment, deciding what to do as if there was a choice other than to back away from the tree. Perhaps he was wondering if he should try to just walk through it. No one ever knew with Garrick.

"That beastly thing hopped right in front of me, Jacob!" Garrick said, finally backing away and pointing an accusing finger at the tree. "I was watching it the whole time, I swear. Psh. Trees and their silly pretenses. I know very well you can move!" He glared at the tree, as if it would fess up and dance about admittedly any second. Finally, he gave up, rubbing his nose and muttering a few curses under his breath.